


Imagining My Man

by virgoscully



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Brienne's POV, Canon Compliant, F/M, I need some angst sorry, Jaime's POV, Jaime/Brienne Appreciation Week, Post-S7, She is sad at first but it will get better, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2019-07-25 23:15:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16207721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/virgoscully/pseuds/virgoscully
Summary: Brienne is ready to leave King's Landing, and Jaime once again. But at night, time never seems to pass and she keeps awake trying to understand when everything went wrong.





	1. It's not what I thought, and it's not what I pictured

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is my first Jaime x Brienne fic.  
> I know the theme is not original at all, but I feel like I'm stuck in this scenario and I needed to write anyway.  
> (Sorry about the grammar errors, English is not my first language)

* * *

__

**"I'm going to answer, protecting**  
**It can be so hard to forgive**  
**It's not what I thought, and it's not what I pictured**  
**When I was imagining my man"**

* * *

 

 

 

 _Fuck loyalty"_ , her own words keep echoing through Brienne's mind for the rest of the night. She still feels the guilt inside for what she had done. The way she touched his arm. Yelled at him. And it didn't even work. What a shame.

But the plan is to stay in the Red Keep until it's morning and they will ride back to the North, so she needed to swallow her pride and accepted to stay in one of the kingsguard's room after Bronn and Podrick insisted so much. She knew she was too tired to say no and a comfortable bed would be nice for a change; after all, she needed to rest, not only her body but her mind.

The room she's staying is fancier than every place she stayed in since she left Tarth. All golden and red details, the decoration seems a bit much and she is not used to it.

Taking off her armor and all the heavy clothing somehow made her feel more exposed than ever. Frail and naked. Maybe it's because of the inevitable thoughts invading her mind.

 _"If a guard has this kind of luxury imagine how fancy is their room"_ , Brienne thinks to herself. And "their"...this term bothered her more than it should. They are brothers, a Lannister family, the more important people here in Westeros. But everyone knows they are more than that to each other.

She lays down and under nice and warm blankets and tries to comfortable to get some sleep. It's the only moment she can avoid his presence anyway. But she always had trouble sleeping.

Involuntarily, Brienne starts analyzing every detail of their meeting. The Hound threatening to kill his monstrous brother. Euron Greyjoy admitting he had captured Yara. Jon Snow deciding to ruin the possibility of a truce for letting his feeling for Daenerys interfere. So many wrong things happened there.

The truth is she only had eyes for him. Jaime standing there in front of her. So close yet so far. The golden lion in his armor, the amount of grey hair that it's finally showing up, the terrifying look on his face when he saw the wight. He looked so effortlessly charming, it's not even fair.

But not even the snow falling for the first time in years in Westeros felt so cold as the look Cersei gave her when she saw her talking with Jaime.

 _"How can I even compete with that? With her?"_  Brienne moves into a more comfortable position in bed and closes her eyes to forget it all and to keep the warm tears from falling.

It actually never occurred to her that, the way Jaime used to annoy her and mock her somehow was a way to let him in. She never planned that, on the contrary. When Lady Catelyn ordered to bring him to King’s Landing to trade for the Stark girls, he was nothing but a prisoner to her. Someone awful that should not be pardoned.

Of course, that bath at Harrenhal changed something for her. She saw Jaime with other eyes and felt that she could trust him for the first time there. When she saw the truth about him that he ironically he hides from anyone. As if he wanted to be known only for his bad reputation. Maybe it’s her sister’s influence on him. Maybe it’s his comfort zone.

Either way, Brienne never actually took time to put the pieces together and try to understand why he had such an effect on her.

She could count on her fingers how many times they actually were together. How many times she saved him and he saved her. But the distance couldn’t change this. The way she is feeling tonight.

  
It’s like taking off the veil she kept around her for a long time. There’s no way to ignore it anymore. She is a strong, independent woman and never felt the need to find someone else before. But spilling out the truth to herself was like a punch in her stomach. She never felt so fragile. So girly. So stupid.

 _"It's silly to think about these.._ feelings, _when the winter is here and we need to prepare to fight in a war against the army of the dead. Who cares about my feelings? He certainly doesn't."_

There’s nothing to do about it and tomorrow she will leave Jaime once again and maybe for good.

Brienne mentally repeats these bitter words to herself and the silent cry is the only sound of this cold room, while she tries to bury her feelings to herself with the head on the pillow until she finally gets some sleep tonight. 


	2. I leave and it's dreadful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a few hours of sleep, she wakes up in the middle of the night again. But this time Jaime wasn't only in her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little more angst but this time Jaime is here too.
> 
> Thanks for reading!

After struggling for hours, Brienne was sleeping soundly.

She was dreaming that she was walking in a frozen forest all by herself. She was looking for a place to stay the night. While it was getting dark Brienne heard a noise coming closer and closer. Ready to use Oathkeeper, she was taken by surprise when a lion came roaring in the middle of nowhere and tried to bite her.

Suddenly, she opened her eyes gasping and feeling scared. But the noise was actually a knock on her door that woke her. Her heart was beating fast, so she decided to wait for another knock before leaving the bed to see what it was.

But before she could put herself together from the shock the door opens.

With a frightened move, Brienne took Oathkeeper from the left side of her bed and stood up in a matter of seconds, ready for any kind of attack.

But it was him.

Jaime simply entered the bedroom and looked directly through her big sapphire eyes. And his eyes lowered to look to every part of her exposed body.

 _Oh shit”_ , she murmurs to herself. Brienne was actually naked. She has a recollection of taking off all of her clothes before start crying in bed until she could sleep. What an awkward night.

Brienne drops Oathkeeper on the floor and puts the blanket around her body in a sudden move. She was very embarrassed, even though she knows Jaime already saw her without clothes before.

 _Relax, I wasn’t looking”_ , he says in a calm voice, closing the door behind him without any loud noise. As if he didn’t want anyone to know he was there with her.

" _I’m sorry to bother you in the middle of the night and scare you like that. I went out to look for you where you and Pod made camp, but Bronn told me you were here and I just need to talk...”_

Brienne only nods to him and, wrapped around her furry blanket, she sits on the bed and watches him sit in a chair close to her, making himself almost too comfortable.

 _What do you need, Ser Jaime?”_ , she says in a soft tone, but with a worried look on her face.

 _I just came to...to...apologize for before. At the meeting. I know you have the best intentions in your...heart. But I just can’t do anything else”_ , he says it with a defeated voice, somehow waiting for something she could say to comfort him. But he knew it wouldn't be this way.

_I understand, but...”_

Almost begging for her to continue, Jaime stares at her, already knowing she would be angry at him.

 _If someone can try, it's you, Jaime. She can listen to you. This is not a joke, you saw what is waiting for us. ALL of us”_ , without adding Ser, Brienne says in a firm tone with an anger inside her that she doesn’t even know where it's coming from.

 _Hmm...did you miss what happened there? What makes you think I can change anything? Don’t put this on me”_ , he responds with an offended look in his eyes without even blink and she feels the intensity of every word he says.

_You’re wrong. It’s a matter of survival. And I know that...deep in your heart, you know that. It’s like, she is blinding you from the real problems, why don’t you....”_

Brienne couldn't even say her name. She knows now that her previous feelings were taking over, and just by talking about Cersei she feels like she could lose her balance.

Jaime interrupts her, standing up with the angriest face he has ever looked at her. Or it was a hurt face. She couldn’t tell the difference. And before Brienne could continue he sighs loudly and takes the courage to talk.

_"This isn’t fair. I just can’t leave my sis..."_

Brienne is so emotionally carried away that she needs to do something before she could cry in front of him and with a weak and painful voice she talks then:

 _"But you can leave me. You should leave me. There’s nothing else for us to talk then”,_ she points to the door as a sign to send him away and closes her eyes.

Jaime is just as hurt as she was. In the heat of the moment, he tries to come closer to her and lightly touches her shoulder as a gesture to show he was on her side despite appearances...she shivers and shrugs her whole body.

He regrets the action and leaves the bedroom without looking back.

The way she kicked him out made him think that the whole conversation was confusing. Was she angry at him for not staying in favor of the North? Or it was about him staying with Cersei? Jaime never felt more conflicted than in this moment.

Jaime stayed outside her door for a minute, trying to put himself together. He never wanted to argue with Brienne. He knew that despite wanting to talk to her, there was nothing he could do to change the reality. But he needed to apologize anyway.

Now he will come back to his room with a hundred different reasons to apologize, and she wouldn't even listen to him. She was going to leave again. And somehow, that realization makes his whole body tremble and he feels angry at himself.

At the same time, her body is burning up. Either was the anger, or the effect Jaime left on her body, or both. But she couldn't hold the tears anymore and started crying with her head down on her knees.

Brienne decided she couldn’t sleep anymore, it was pointless to try. That’s not how she imagined she would say goodbye to Jaime, but there is no way they would come to an agreement.

Rethinking every word they had said, she realized she was confused if that conversation was about the war or about themselves.

It was late, but Brienne started to put her clothes on, all of her armor. The one he gave her, what a bitter memory. And she was ready to prepare her horse to ride. It was dark, but her feelings were suffocating her. She couldn't stay at King's Landing anymore.

Suddenly, she enters in Podrick’s tent and tells him that she was worried about Sansa and Arya in the same place with Littlefinger, so she will ride back right away. It was an excuse, but she needed a reason to explain her sudden decision.

 _"Milady, it’s late, wait for the morning please”,_ he tries to dissuade her but her face shows that she already made up her mind. _"Stay here and you’ll catch up to me later. Tell the others I needed to leave early because of important matters at Winterfell.”_

Podrick tries to tell something else, but she leaves his tent and goes outside to prepare her horse.

Brienne has decided that if she needed to say goodbye again, it’s better to leave things the way they were; or she would risk being impulsively and ruin everything by saying something stupid. She couldn’t bear the thought of letting her feelings come in the way of her decisions.

So it was time to say goodbye to Jaime again. Without him even knowing her real reasons why.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry about the grammar errors. I keep writing at night when I'm tired lmao


	3. You have this dream, apparently I'm not done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Jaime finally realizes how much that fight with Brienne affected him, he is ready to rethink his choices and what really matters to him.  
> Jaime's POV and a little happier chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it took me so long to write again. I was a mess last week, but tonight I felt a little inspired.  
> (Sorry about the grammar errors, English is not my first language)

It wasn’t a long time before Brienne entered his tent, but Podrick is ready to get up and gather everything he needed before leaving King’s Landing.

He gets up and go to find something to eat as a quick breakfast when he sees Bronn from a distance. Pod tried to catch the man’s attention when he smirks at him.

 _“Aye, are you alone here? Where is your lady? Slept with her Golden boy?”_ , he says in a jokingly tone just to annoy him.

 _“She already left and I need to hurry up to find her”_ , Podrick says without laughing at his joke. He was clearly worried about why she left so early.

 _“I bet they had a fight last night”_ , Bronn talks about it as if he already knew what happened, or it was just his suspicion.

He might be constantly joking, but Bronn was observant and he knew that there is something between Jaime and Brienne going on. Although nothing ever happened, it was clear how much they cared for each other. Even in the awkward silence they used to keep between them.

 _“What are you talking about?”_ , Podrick, on the other hand, had no clue about what was going on.

 _“Last night, Jaime came to the camp and asked me if Brienne was sleeping here. Since I had trade my bedroom with her, he came here to find his lover and ended up finding me. Poor guy”,_ he says with a straight face, but it’s always hard to know when he was being serious.

 _“But why? Why did they fight?",_ he is really curious now...and before Bronn could answer him a voice screamed his name.

 _“Podrick_.... _Podrick, thank God I’ve found you”_

Jaime is almost running and he looks nervous. He probably went looking for Brienne and knew she was gone. But if they had a fight, why is he in such a hurry to talk to her?

_“Good morning Ser Jaime. I’m...”_

_“Where is she? I knew she was sleeping in the Red Keep, I mean...someone told me. And I wanted to say goodbye, but I couldn’t find her anywhere”_ , Jaime tells him almost gasping, and of course, he doesn’t talk about any fight.

 _“She came to my tent earlier, it was still dark. She told me she needed to come back to Winterfell and left at that time all by herself”_ , Podrick somehow looks sad when he admitts that. He wants to follow her, but he knows Brienne too much to know she would be angry at him for disobeying her orders.

 _“AND YOU LET HER? RIDE ALONE? IN THIS COLD AND WHEN NO ONE IS SAFE?"_ , Jaime is talking loudly now. He has a very concerned look on his face and he doesn’t even care that everyone is looking at him, talking about Brienne like that.

 _“I’m sorry Ser Jaime...she ordered me to stay here and... catch up to her later_.... _I’m sorry_ ”, Podrick can see how much he cared about her at that moment. He wouldn’t act like that if he only wanted to say goodbye

 _“You don’t need to apologize. It’s actually...my fault”_ , Jaime admits to him he had something to do with her sudden need to leave. He doesn’t have to, Bronn told him, but he wants to explain himself as if he was justifying his actions to prove to Pod how much he didn’t want their last conversation to be their last.

 _“Late at night, I went to her room and I tried to apologize for the decisions we’ve made in the meeting. I didn’t actually decide anything but...I wanted Brienne to believe me and, of course, I expressed myself in the wrong way. She probably hates me now”_ , Jaime looks really sad and guilty and Pod kind of wants to help him now.

Bronn, watching his friend with a look as if he had lost something precious pats his shoulder and says:

_“Let’s have some ale inside, then we can talk about your lost lover in a more private space. People can hear you here, and I bet you don’t want your kind words to the Maiden of Tarth ending up in The Queen’s ears, right?”_

Jaime, at this point, is so shaken that he doesn't even try to correct Bronn when he keeps joking about Brienne being...something else to him, and he just accepts it.

The three men sit inside Pod’s tent in a moment of silence, just waiting for Jaime to say what he needed to get out of his chest.

 _“So…I’m leaving her. Cersei, I mean”_ , he starts the subject letting both men surprised by his words. This is something they could’ve imagined happening in a dream, where Jaime leaves Cersei to be with Brienne. But what made him change his mind and his heart like that? Why now?

 _“What…happened? Is it about Br..”_ , Bronn couldn’t finish because Jaime interrupts him. He knows that his choice of words can be ambiguous in that situation.

_“She is lying. What she promised at the meeting. The Queen is not going to send her army to fight in the North. In fact, she was plotting with Euron to get the Golden Company to fight for her side. Cersei never bothered to tell me anything, maybe she knew I’d be against it, but…”_

Jaime is almost tearing up now but he's struggling to not cry in front of them, so he stands up and walk a little bit before he is ready to talk again.

_“She...almost ordered The Mountain to kill me. It was close. I mean, there’s nothing left for me at King’s Landing anymore”_

He stopped talking for a moment and takes a long sip of ale, trying to get himself together for a moment.

Bronn and Podrick kept looking at each other, thinking of something recomforting to say to him. But Pod was never good with words. He couldn’t help but say what was in his mind anyway.

 _“What about Lady Brienne? What did you do to her?”_ , somehow the question sounded like an accusation but it’s just the way Podrick used to be protective of her.

Bronn tries to easy the mood, like usual, knowing how delicate talking about her can be for Jaime.

 _“Take it_ easy _boy, he needs to let go of one love to be with another”_

Jaime surprisingly gives them a sad and shy smirk and starts drinking again. He wasn’t connecting the fact that, leaving Cersei could lead to another way for him. A way where he could be with Brienne.

 _"Damn it, Bronn, you actually got a point"_ , he thinks to himself, feeling a little drunk already. But why is he enjoying this idea now? It was still so confusing to him.

After finishing his ale, Podrick leaves the tent saying he was going to prepare his horse. It is time for him to go after Brienne. He’s been worried about her the whole morning and she probably wasn’t so far yet.

Meanwhile, Jaime takes this time alone with Bronn to confess something to him. It wasn’t anything so serious or a secret that Prodrick couldn’t hear, but he wasn’t feeling comfortable talking about Brienne with him around. Not when he is drinking anyway. Pod was like a protector to her, always suspicious of Jaime's intentions towards her.

 _“She was right. She's always been right”_ , he says it with a low voice looking directly through Bronn’s eyes, as if he could see everything being unraveled. Things that not even Jaime could see it yet.

_“She told me to leave Cersei because it was the right thing to do, and I argued with her. Now, this is exactly what I’m going to do. I wish I could say that it’s all my decision, but she opened my eyes. She’s doing it since the moment she met me and that’s the truth”_

Bronn smiles at him. It was a genuine reaction as if he was saying “this is the best you can do, she only wants what’s best for you”, but he couldn’t put it into words. They were never that kind of sweet friends with each other anyway.

But for Jaime this is enough. This moment is decisive for him, knowing that Bronn would have his back no matter what.

The men keep drinking for a while. They're distracting themselves for what’s coming, and it is a pleasant moment, even if it is a short one. Bronn is always telling some jokes to unwind and Jaime…Jaime is feeling happy.

For the first time, probably, he is feeling relieved. Knowing that, despite how hard it’s going to be in the winter from now on, at least he can be the man he always wanted to be, and somehow never could. Until now.

Jaime is seeing himself finally free to be faithful to one cause he is willing to fight for. The one he gave his word and promised his loyalty. Oh, loyalty, how come this word always seems to remind him of her? Brienne is, indeed the most loyal person he's ever known.

 _"Ok, let's get our horses and find Pod. He is still slow at riding, and we can probably reach him in an hour. I don't know how they're going to receive me there...but my place is in the North now, apparently"_ , Jaime says it almost laughing at his situation.

Who would've thought? He wants to be there in that cold, dark and weird place, where Ned Stark lived. If someone had told him this years ago, he would never believe it. But this is his life now, he has a purpose...or maybe two.

 _"Your place is where your Maiden of_ Tarth _is...Ok, ok, before you punch me I'm going to get our horses"_ , Bronn responds to him already taking some distance.

After some minutes trying to mislead some Lannister's soldiers, Jaime leaves in his horse, trying to be the most discrete possible. After all, he never actually said goodbye to Cersei. He is simply leaving her.

 _"Podrick, wait...wait for me. I'm coming with you"_ , he catches up to him never feeling so certain about anything before.

He is going North. He is going to find her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I really appreciate all the comments.


	4. I do not have the answer, but I don't have the wish to go back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ready to finally leave King's Landing, Jaime is now worried if it's already too late for Brienne to forgive him.

The roads were all white because of the snow. No one has ever seen anything like it, not around King's Landing anyway. Maybe it is indeed going to be the worst winter ever.

The three men were silent most of the way, it was too early for talking anyway. So Jaime started to think about his decision and everything that happened at this point. He knew he was ready to find a different path for him, away from the things he wasn't comfortable with anymore. It wasn't just the Lannister's plans. Or Euron. It was Cersei. It's difficult, but he was starting to let go of her influence and he never felt so conflicted about his feelings for her before. The only thing he was certain of is that he needs to ask Brienne to forgive him. No one believed in the best of him the way she always did, and he knew that her...respect was important to him. It's just something he couldn't afford to lose.

Of course, he knows that it's going to be dangerous for a Lannister, the Kingslayer, to enter Winterfell alone, but he was willing to keep his promises at least for once in his life. But the truth is, he first needs to find Brienne and show her he changed his mind. The rest he'll think about later.

After long hours of silent riding, without any talking between the men, with the exception of the sound of Bronn’s annoying singing, Podrick was the one who decided to start a conversation to pass the time. It was a shock even for him, but his curiosity was killing him inside.

_“What happens if she doesn’t want to speak with you anymore, Sir Jaime? I mean…Lady Brienne is true to her word, you know that…What if she doesn’t want you there?”_ , Bronn looked surprised that Pod could be this bold by asking something like that.

And Jaime made his horse stop and took some distance from them. He has now an angry and worried look in his eyes, and Pod instantaneously regrets talking before thinking about the consequences of his words.

_“Aye, I know the boy didn’t mean to offend you, and the Lady cares too much for you to do such a thing, you know that”,_ Bronn says it in a casual tone, trying to fix the moment.

Jaime starts riding again, more quietly than he already was before. He made up his mind, even though he hadn’t considered the possibility of Brienne not wanting him by her side once the War starts. But he couldn't come back to King's Landing anymore and even though his brother was there in the North already, he would probably need Brienne's support to get to stay in Winterfell, so this could turn into a real problem for him.

_“You’re right, Podrick. I just... hope she would understand that I’m coming to fight and keeping my word because this War is not about house names and loyalty anymore. I’m doing this to survive. The Starks might want to execute me as soon as I set foot in Winterfell, but I least I'll know I’ve tried. And if she…Brienne does not want me there to fight by her side…I will respect that.”_

He turns his head down and couldn’t say anything else. He honestly doesn't know how Brienne will react when she sees him. Their last conversation was rough for both of them, and as far as she knows, Jaime would always be in Cersei’s side. Maybe it’s too late for change that.

It was late but started to snow so much that it was impossible to have a track of time in this weather. They only realized they’ve been riding most of the day when it was dark already.

“It’s getting late, she might be in Winterfell by now. We should make camp by these trees and continue our walk in the morning. It’s terrible to walk with this much ice and it's even worse when it’s dark, you know it”, Bronn suggests, knowing that Jaime is eager to get there as fast as he can, but Podrick nods with the idea.

_“Fine, let’s get some sleep because I actually can use some hours of rest since I had none yesterday”_ , Jaime agrees already, setting the tent and taking off his cloak to lay down for a while.

They set a simple camp with the few things they’ve brought, only one tent for all of them and Bronn decides to take the first watch.

It'a quiet night, despite the insufferable cold wind that never stops. Judging by his knowledge of these roads, Bronn knows they’re already close to the North and that is a relief. Even though he was never at Winterfell, he’s confident that Tyrion is going to help them enter the place with no further problems. At least him, anyway.

Bronn is alone with his thoughts when something made a sound in the woods, but it felt like it was almost near them, he heard it perfectly clear. Maybe it's footsteps, maybe it's White Walkers. It could've been anything, but he decides to see for himself what it was.

Holding his sword, Bronn started to walk very carefully around the trees, but it's a fluffy walk in the snow and he couldn't see a branch in his way, so he tripped. The thing was getting closer to him after the noise he made when he fell and he feels terrified for a while.

It was her. Brienne holding Oathkeeper in the middle of the dark, also terrified. She almost cutting Bronn’s body, but he screamed once he realized it was her.

_“Jesus Christ, I thought I was dead already”_ , Bronn said it with a gasping voice, trying to see her face in this moonless night.

_“What the hell are you doing here, scaring me like that?”_ , she sounds angry but curious about how he found her in this situation.

_“We are camping a few trees that way. I thought I head a suspicious sound and I was afraid it was something…worse. But it’s you so, that’s good. He’s going to be happy”_ , Bronn ended his sentence with a smirk, and she didn’t understand a thing.

_“Who’s he? And where’s Podrick? He’s the one I was expecting to find me by now, but I know how slow he can be”_ , Brienne was actually worried about her squire, after all, he should’ve caught up to her at this point.

_“We came with Podrick, that’s why it took us a little longer. Jaime decided he needed to come along so, I did it too. There’s nothing else for me in King’s Landing if there’s no one to pay me anymore”_ , Bronn tries to make a joke knowing Brienne doesn’t appreciate his sense of humor. In fact, she looked angrier after he said that.

_“Is Jaime here too? Why?”_ , she wasn’t ready for this, she was running away from his goodbye and now he’s here…

_“You can ask for yourself, come make camp with us. I know you two have a lot to talk about...and I could use some sleep”,_ Bronn convinced her, after all, it's not safe to be alone in the woods this late.

And they walked in silence, back to where Bronn was. She was uncomfortable with this situation, after spending the whole day imagining how she would never see Jaime again.

_“How can I talk to him again? Or listen to what he has to say? Jaime said there was nothing he could do, then why he came after…me, to get to Winterfell without a Lannister army?”_ , her thoughts were involuntarily being optimistic about this, but she knows he wasn’t here exclusively because of her, he would never do such a thing for a woman like her.

While Brienne was setting his horse to rest along the other horses, Bronn entered their tent and started to whisper:

_“Hey, Jaime, your woman is here. I found her outside. Come talk to her and let me sleep instead”_

Jaime woke in a matter of seconds scared, thinking it was a dream, but Bronn was too close to his face to be just imagination.

_“Are you serious? I thought she would be far by now…I”_ , Jaime sounds sleepy but he got up in a hurry as if she would leave him again.

_“Calm down, she is not going anywhere. Now please make peace in a low voice. I need my beauty rest”_ , Bronn lay down and watch Jaime get fully dressed to go outside and face Brienne.

She made a fire. She was shrugging, trying to get warmer and she looked worried somehow. When she heard his steps approaching her, her eyes were fixating in his face for a second. Brienne didn’t care to blink at all, as if she missed him after just one day that they were together.

Jaime sat near the fire, but across from where Brienne was. He could look at her all night, seeing her delicate face light up with the flames, and he stared at her features as if he was defying her to look back at him. But she doesn't.

_“Good, you made a fire”_ , Jaime tries to start the conversation with a soft and low voice and a shy smile in his face.

She still wasn’t looking. Somehow his voice has a deep effect on her body and Brienne starts shivering but holding her arms as if she’s just getting warmer.

It's a long moment of silence. They are awkward around each other for the first time he can remember. It never happened that way, at least not for him.

But Jaime decided to do what he was supposed to since he left Cersei one day ago. Make amends with Brienne, and prove that she was right all along, and now he can see that.

_“I’m…I’m sorry. About everything”,_ Jaime says it almost whispering, but she hears him. That’s the first time she dared to look at his eyes again. She could feel the intensity of his look, letting his words sinking in. Trying to believe in him.

_“I know we said some things last night and…I just wanted you to know that I get it now. You were right. About my sister”_ , it's hard for Jaime to say Cersei’s name now, and he's still confused about what Brienne meant when she said he should leave his sister. But either way, he already did.

_“Sir Jaime…”_ , her voice is soft, acknowledging what he was saying, but before she could continue Jaime interrupted her

_“Wait, I…I know it seems like a casual family fight and I will never stop being a Lannister. But I can’t be on Cersei’s side this time. What she did…does…is awful and I know I’m better than this. You said you saw that side of me once. I believe in you. That’s why I left. That’s why I need you to forgive me”_ , Jaime stops talking and close his eyes, waiting for a response while he listens to the sound of the flames.

_“You don’t need to apologize for anything, Jaime. I was wrong when I suggested you needed to…leave her. Your sister. I understand the importance of family and I should never…I do see the honor in you and that’s why I don't have nothing to forgive you for”_ , Brienne looks at him, with a proud look on her face and he could see a shy smile in the corner of her mouth.

She was relieved, knowing that he listened to her and she waited until he nods back to stop looking at him.

They stayed there just appreciating the fire for a while and the silence wasn’t awkward anymore. There are still so many doubts between them. Questions no one dared to ask each other. Not yet.

The mutual respect they have for each other was obvious and everyone can see that. But now seems different. Brienne imagined something happening between them in the night before. She thought she was stupid for desiring what she could never have, and it hurts too much to think about it. She is still insecure around him, but happy at the same time. At least he's here.

_“I’m going to stay awake. I’ve always had trouble sleeping so…if you want to sleep, that’s okay”_ , Brienne offers to take the watch since she knows it’ll be impossible to shut down her thoughts anyway.

_“Are you sure? I could talk to you all night…I mean, I know how to annoy you if you’re scared of being awake alone in this scary wood, wench”_ , Jaime is mocking her to light up the mood after a serious conversation, as he always does when he’s uncomfortable, and he doesn't even know why.

_“I’m sure. You look tired anyway. You’ll get bored of me before you know it”_ , Brienne answered with a bold tone, and it was surprising even for her. But it came naturally to her, after some time of being around Jaime and his jokes.

_“I could never…get bored of you”_ , Jaime says it as if it was a joke, but at that moment, they exchanged looks and it was intense. He was starting to realize that, deep down, it wasn’t just a joke. And maybe she could feel it too. But Jaime could never know by the look on her face.

Brienne got up and put out the fire. She was feeling too…weird with Jaime looking at her, maybe he was just lonely without her sister around, but she couldn’t risk it.

_“Okay, I should try to get some sleep, tomorrow I need to get ready for all the talking. Starks talking to me, judging me, maybe killing me. We’ll see...Good night”_ , in his voice, she thought Jaime was laughing a bit. He was actually a little worried about his fate, but that was only a matter for tomorrow.

_“I’m proud of you, Jaime”_ , Brienne whispers and pretends she said nothing for a while.

But Jaime was able to hear it. He was smiling but he didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t respond. Laying on his back to her, he was finally ready to sleep.

After this long day, at least Jaime is going to sleep happier than he was when he woke up, now that he knew she was fine by having him around. He was fearing for his life, but if something happens to him, it was enough to know that Brienne was proud of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the wait, it took me a while to feel inspired again, but at least it's happier than the previous chapters.   
> Btw, I'm always writing at 3 am, so I'm sorry for the grammar errors.

**Author's Note:**

> Pls comment if you like this, it's been forever since I write a fic and I'd love some feedback :)
> 
> Idk how many chapters I'm gonna write, but let's see where it goes lmao


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